The HEART of the Matter
September 5th 2007 06:59
I’ve been practicing yoga for several years now, and I’ve tried variations of it. I find that no matter which variation, the practice starts from within me – my mind and spirit/emotions, and my heart centre (heart chakra).
Many have explained that yoga is the art of training and disciplining the mind and body – a union with yourself and others. An inner balance that not only benefits yourself but everyone around you. The heart chakra is considered the first spiritual level of our development (“WellBeing”). The opening or expansion into the heart centre can be recognised by many qualities that we’re familiar with – compassion, empathy, balance of mind, many other virtuous qualities, and love.
Everyone can love, give love and be loved. There are of course varying degrees and definitions of love. My friends and I collectively have had many experiences in the realm of romantic love. While most were good, a few could be deemed *toxic*. Toxic because there was negative energy within ourselves, the relationship, and a general unhealthy co-dependency with the other person.
Both Pia and I have had relationships where there were unhealthy co-dependencies with the person we were with. In my case, I was willing to trade-off not seeing other people to be at his beck-and-call. It was always about his time – doesn’t matter that I had plans with my friends, it was all about him.
As for Pia, it was out of loneliness. She wanted to be with someone and was willing to have it no matter what, even when it was to his advantage – he suggested an open relationship where he could see other people (not sleep with them but just spending time… or so it seems…).
We soon realised we were swimming in toxic waste. Our **lack of self-love (then) clouded our judgments. We recognised that we had to expand our heart centre to make it stronger, to first include loving ourselves first. We did many things to help us overcome that **deficiency, but a few that we think were most important are:
- being brave to go on holidays on our own
- enjoying being on our own more...enjoying the me-time
- learning to say no to something/someone that we feel is going to be *toxic*
- teaching ourselves to walk away from *toxic* situations – should we fail to not say ‘no’ to it before
It wasn’t always easy, but I’m glad we braced ourselves for it, and were brave enough to go through with it all… Self-love is always there, we just need to expand our heart to grow it – we then get to keep it…always …and to share it.
Before we can have a truly successful relationship, we must first learn to feel love for ourselves
What do you think? What’s your experience around this?
'Animated heart' -- permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify this document under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 or any later version published by the Free Software Foundation; candy-heart courtesy of Ladyheart.
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Comment by Louie
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Comment by DuskDevi
Rucks and Rolls
Rugby World Cup 2007
This is a post full of love.
I completely and wholeheartedly believe this to be true...except I feel it's sad that it's something we have to learn.
It should be innate.
...but instead of self love...so many are full of self loathe. What a waste of self-potential.
Perhaps the psyche should be put through Bikram yoga and sweat those toxic thoughts out!
Hope you are well Lara. I am really enjoying your blog.
Dusk
Comment by katyzzz
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Yoga is good for all sorts of things, including and especially the BRAIN, which does in no way exclude the heart.
I agree in essence with what you have to say, but think it is so sad that we have to analyse things that really should come naturally, as the night follows day.
katyzzz....I actually think I am in the wrong place here at Orble.
That's why I always have something different to say.
Comment by Wendi
My daughter and I have talked about starting Yoga, and for some reason, it keeps getting pushed back. Right now, it's a matter of time and expense, but I'm well aware that Yoga fits into my life path at some point, and this post is a good reminder.
W
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
What an insightful post, I agreed with so many things you said...it can be really easy to be in a toxic relationship and not know.
Yoga is fantastic isn't it? Amazing how it works, I love it. When I do yoga at home, my dog always pokes his nose in...one time I was experimenting with a new posture, my legs were in the air and I was trying to balance myself when he nudged my arm so that I collapsed on the carpet....laughing....the posture had worked, I was relaxed....
Byeee
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
I personally think that you're spot on. If you don't love yourself, how could you expect someone else to? That's how I've always thought.
Mind you, while I've always known it, practising it has been a very different matter. Unfortunately, it's not until you get to a point where you actually appreciate yourself that you can see how much you didn't like yourself before!!!
Kylie
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
Great post! Self - love is a toughie isn`t it? It`s tough to draw that line between loving yourself and heading toward selfishness of sorts.... at least in our heads anyway.
I look forward to trying Yoga myself. It has been one of those things on my To-Do list that never really seem to get done.
Ash
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen
I'm a toxic relationship veteran... ohh man.. haha. I'm so full of the stuff I should be quarantined.
Anyway, I think the hardest part of escaping a toxic relationship is accepting that life can be livable without the other, and putting emotions where the mind is. If only the brain and the heart cooperated more often...
Great post
Comment by D. Armenta
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Detox soon ...
D.
Comment by Chic Critique
Many girlfriends and I have been in 'toxic' situations. You kind of almost need them, like a learning phase so that you can discover that you're great, and that you too deserve someone who thinks you're the greatest.
Great post. Really luverly.
Cheers
CC
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Thanks for your kind words, beautiful Dusk. It's good to know you (and hopefully others too!) are enjoying this blog.
I agree that it is sad that we have to learn it. I think the line between self-love and selfish is a conundrum that many struggle with -- I myself am *guilty* of it... ...but in time and experience we learn/realise, and hopefully not before too much self-respect has disintegrated.
Always good to see u, and have your insights...
Yes, yoga is fantastic, katyzzz. I always feel so good -mentally and physically- after a session.
I agree too that it is sad that life needs to be analysed this way. I think the pressures of society (and even family and friends) -and perhaps event the advent of technology- has eroded the natural state of mind/nature. ...but I don't think it's a lost cause 'cos there's still great presence of mind...we hope!
I always enjoy your alternative opinions and insights -- you're not in the wrong place...
You're right, Wendi that the *costs* outweigh the gains. I think once we've had a couple of toxic doses, we know enough to avoid it.
I agree that yoga can be expensive. Perhaps (when u are able to) invest in taking a course so that you learn the correct postures. After the course, u should be able to just practice at home with your daughter
Yep, easy to be carried away (and potentially!) drown in the toxicity, Tracy. ...but I think because 'presence of mind' is (somewhat) still around, as well as having good friends, we usually get thrown a life-buoy before anything too drastic happens
Yea...I really enjoy my yoga time -- even when I've to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I think they've actually started yoga classes with pets a few years ago -- I remember reading somewhere but i don't think it has taken off here in Sydney. Ahh yes, here you go -- yoga with pets...here and here.
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Whether in our heads or not, I think we are sometimes made to feel that way whether by invisible elements present in society or unspoken words by family/friends. Hmm, so maybe it is just in our heads...?
<LOL>...ok Dean time for a quarantine! I was detained sometime ago...been *clean* the last few years
*toxic* relationships seem to be all part of growing-up these days, huh, CC. It's almost like running an obstacle race on the *love path*. Glad u enjoyed the post.